So, you thought it was Spring, did you? Just kidding!
Yesterday was a gorgeous spring day with sunshine and temperatures peaking around 16oC. And today, winter is back. This week has been like that. One day with springlike weather, the next wintery mix of snow, ice pellets and blustery chilly winds.
The journey through grief is very much like the weather we’ve had this week. Yesterday, you felt like the sun is starting to shine again, the fog is starting to lift, and today, you woke up to cloudy skies, snowflakes and a heavy heart. You ask yourself, “Will I ever get beyond this cold, dark winter?”
I’m sorry to say that this is the nature of this journey. We want to believe that the journey is linear and straight forward. We want to believe that we will go through the 5 stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and this will all be over, our lives will be “back to normal”. What I didn’t know and discovered through some research, is that the 5 Stages of Grief are Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s well-respected stages of dying for those in grief. They present themselves very differently for those of us who are dealing with the grief after death. They are don’t follow a linear path. We don’t all experience them in order. We don’t all experience all the stages. We don’t experience them in the same way because grief, like love, is unique.
The best advice that my counsellor gave me four years ago is to remember that “grief is messy”. It looks just like a child’s scribbled drawing. Lines overlapping with no form or structure. Because grief is wrapped up in feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are and need to be acknowledged as such.
The good news is that as you work your way through the stages, whether over a period of time or all at once in one day, it’s so important not to get stuck on a stage. Don’t get stuck in the denial stage. Don’t get stuck in the anger stage. Don’t get stuck in the depression stage. If you’re there, please find someone to talk to. Preferably a professional to help you through the stage. There are warm, sunny days ahead filled with joy and meaning ahead.
For me, I find each time I move through the stages (and yes, after four years, I still find myself going through the stages. I still find myself waking up some mornings and wondering if that was just a nightmare and realizing that no, it happened. This is my reality.) it gets easier to get to the acceptance stage, and I don’t stay in the harder stages as long any more. I’ve discovered that I don’t have to stay in the acceptance stage either. There’s more. There is meaning and purpose and a life worth living.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5b NKJV
Every grief blog that I’ve listened to, every grief related article I’ve read, bring me to this point. We have to create new meaning in our lives so that we don’t get stuck in the denial, anger and depression stages. We have to create new meaning so that we can move forward with joy. And for me, the only way to do that is through my relationship with Jesus Christ. He is love. He is joy. And He knows me. After all, He created me.
If you want to learn more about the 5 stages of grief, I encourage you to visit www.grief.com
There are also some very good grief podcasts available wherever you get your podcasts.
Voyage through Life 