So here’s the thing. When I was married, my husband and I had specific responsibilities. We had a more traditional arrangement. I took care of the home – grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, all those types of things, and he took care of the outdoor things – the garden, the house maintenance, the cars and the bbq. Now, all the above are my responsibility. I’m learning that I know nothing, and I’m learning to ask for help. This has been the hardest thing for me to learn. I’ve always thought of myself as independent. But as it turns out, I was fiercely dependent. Dependent on him to take care of my world. He provided stability. He knew what to do when things went wrong. If he didn’t, he would wing it, and all would be well in our world. And we managed through it all together.
The weather around the world has been really strange, climate change and all that. And Southern Ontario is no different. We had a storm with gale force winds that lasted three days. The result for me was the downspouts are all loose; one was ripped out of the gutter (eavestrough) and my son found it under his car. I look at the situation and think “Oh my! What on earth to I do now?” I know that the pipe has to be reattached to the wall. But how? And what if the wind blows again before someone can come and fix it and it rips the gutters off the roof?
This is where I have to step back and give this crisis situation to the Lord. I cannot control the weather. I cannot control the timing of the repairs. I can control how I respond to the situation. I have a tendency to panic. And that doesn’t solve anything. It only makes things feel so much worse. And that when I miss him the most. He left me here to take care of myself. How do I do that? I have to trust what God said to me over four years ago – “I’ve got you”. That means, He’s got me. Not just my heart. Not just my soul. Not just my body. My whole life. Every crazy need. Every crisis situation. Every joyful moment. And even when I’m in panic mode, He’s got me.
I realized today through a study of the book of Numbers that I’m working through (yes, I know! Eyes roll in heads and the question asked is “why? It’s so tedious!” It’s really fascinating) that the Israelites had to be prepared by the Lord before entering the Promised Land. They were sojourning in the wilderness after 400 years of slavery. They had to learn to live as free people and get rid of the slavery mindset. Just as I’m going through my own wilderness, learning to live as an individual and get rid of ‘slavery/dependency’ mindset, knowing that with God at the centre, He’s always here guiding, coaching, forgiving, loving. Me.
This is the most beautiful blessing and I encourage you to pray it over yourself and your loved ones:
The Lord bless you, and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.
Number 6:24-26
#WithUsInTheWilderness
Voyage through Life 